The 20 Greatest (and Most Realistic) Movie Fights of All Time.
It's 2018. Just once I'd like to see a ghost flashing an ironic T-shirt or some triple white Yeezys.
John Mulaney has a great joke about this, where he says that the really sad thing about ghosts is that they're always doing the same exact thing that they did when they were alive. It would be nice to hear that the sweeper who haunts the movie theater applied for a position in management and got it, but that's never the case.
Pro tip: before you buy a creepy old house, you might want to check if there have been a suspicious series of grisly activity in it. And whether or not it has a secret basement, cellar, or attic. Really, half of the killings are on the real estate salespeople who continue to put the murder shack up on the market.
Sure, let's keep that chair that an old man was viciously stabbed in by his ex-wife. Seems legit. A-plus feng shui.
The 2002 blockbuster thriller is really a low-key cautionary tale about our addictions to our own TVs. Still, if I knew that a paranormal little girl was going to eat my face off by crawling out of a TV set in seven days, I'd go full David Thoreau and live in a cabin far from any technology. Though it's worth noting that Watching Too Much TV Can Actually Kill You.
Modern films try to get past this loophole by always having their characters in an area with bad service, but, realistically, most cellphone carriers have a wide range these days. But being able to text a police officer "The killer is X. I'm with him at Y address," followed by a knife emoji, would ruin the dramatic tension of most films.
Using a knife to kill a victim has an undeniably grisly cinematic quality to it, and it makes sense that a true sociopath would want to relish in his victim's suffering. But a hook? A chainsaw? A meat slicer? Surely a gun would be easier.
Especially the ones that are sallow and hardly ever speak. The whole genre is like one long anti-children campaign.
Pro tip: if your dog barks at nothing, or your cat suddenly drops dead, or your horse flees in a panic, evacuate the premises immediately. For more on how this affects you in a non-media-viewing setting, check out 19 Things Your Dog Is Trying to Tell You.
Surely, if you can communicate through supernatural channels, then you could just send a text?
It's not trivia night. Just tell me who you are and how and when you died so I can go back to watching Netflix.
Oh, right, here's a supernatural force than can fling you through the roof but can be stopped with a bed sheet. It's like that scene in Twister in which a natural phenomenon that is strong enough to skin the hide off of cows and lift houses out of the ground can be avoided by slinging a J.C Penny belt over a pipe.
I realize that part of the fear factor of, say, Michael J. Myers is that he really takes his good, sweet time. Everyone else is bolting down the streets screaming for help like a banshee, and he's just there strolling at a casual pace, which sends an unnerving message of complete control in any situation. But it's still kind of funny when you watch Halloween now and realize that much of the film consists of the killer just standing around silently staring at things.
Get Out is a brilliant film, but there is one element of it that doesn't make sense in true horror movie fashion. How come no one noticed that all these dudes that are disappearing have dated the same girl? Also, if your girlfriend eats Fruit Loops separately from the milk, head for the hills!
Oh, what's this? A dilapidated mental asylum in the middle of the woods? Why don't we sleep here for the night? Sounds fun—and safe!
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